Let me start off by saying I don't intend to lump onto you all that happy-clappy hippy-dippy charismatic Jesus talk because I'm intending to save your soul. Yes, I will mention Jesus but only because he has been the answer to all of my questions. But I'm not interested in Bible-bashing. I'm more interested in helping you to become the woman you were put on this earth to be. To find hope in a world that continues to disappoint. To be empowered to push on even when things hurt. That is my hope for you.
So, I'd like to pose the question:
- Are you a woman who is discouraged by her past and thinks there is no hope beyond the haunting memories?
- Are you a woman who can't stand the person she is and thinks she can never change?
- Are you a woman who is constantly being hurt, verbally or physically, but doesn't think she has the right to stand up for herself? Or even think she deserves to?
- Are you a woman who has been searching for purpose and meaning but can't seem to find a place to fit in the world?
- Are you a woman who is just so tired, stressed, and emotionally burdened that it seems impossible to even go on?
- Are you a woman who gives and gives but feels so empty inside?
- Are you a woman who just cannot seem to find anything to fill her despite looking for it in every possible area?
- Are you a woman in denial?
Did one of these strike a chord with you? Maybe there's something else within you that you struggle with constantly. You've probably stumbled on this blog looking for some kind of hope... cos that's what we do when we're hurting. We search for information firstly on "Why?" and then on "How?" Why does it happen and how can we fix it? Consider a young girl who receives a text from her long-term boyfriend ending things with no explanation. After the tears, the comfort from girlfriends, the endless tubs of ice-cream consumed, the young girl, with her heart still in pieces, Googles the question "Why?" Why did he break up with me? Why doesn't he like me anymore? Why are guys so stupid and clueless? and then proceeds with the "How?"
How can I stop my heart from hurting?
As women we feel things. Deeply. That's because of the way our brains have been created. The two sides of a woman's brain has a larger number of connections than a man's does. This means we are less able to separate emotion from reason because our emotional side is more integrated with the verbal side. We see, hear and feel more and what we receive means more to us. Often we cry more because we receive more emotional input, react stronger to it, and express it with greater force. Ever wondered why men just don't get us? This is why.
Sister, it's not a bad thing to feel deeply. Yes, it is incredibly annoying and inconvenient at times but it's what makes our relationships so fulfilling and rich. It's what makes us so passionate. It's what keeps that drive inside of us alive.
But I know... it also means we hurt deeper. We analyse more. We complicate things.
I'm here to tell you, though, that being a woman is an incredible gift! We can have rich meaningful friendships with other women because our natural instinct is to be nurturers. We look after each other. We get to hold a new life inside of us for nine months and have that extra special bond with our children. We get to glam up and pretend to be princesses and if we're blessed enough to be swept off our feet by a faithful man, we get to be treated like a princess. We're more emotionally intelligent and intuitive. Our bodies are beautiful - no matter what you may think about your own! There are so many wonderful things about being a woman!
Now let me stop speaking so generally and speak straight to you for a moment. Precious girl, despite your circumstances you are worth it. Want to know why? Because your past doesn't define you, your job doesn't define you, your failures don't define you, your weight doesn't define you, your boyfriend/husband/partner doesn't define you. None of that stuff defines us and we need to stop acting like it does. You are you for a reason. Nobody else can be you and that is something so special.
You are special. Your entrance into this world was an actual miracle. Have you ever thought about that? I want to share something with you from Dr Robi Sonderegger that blew me away when I read it. He writes this:
"If we calculate the actual probability of our existence, we may be astonished by what we find. Throughout the time line of human existence, somehow I, Robi, came into being. Of all the micro reproductive tadpoles generated within a certain man (otherwise known as Dad) on a particular day in 1972, apparently the origin of yours truly was somehow included among them. Not only that, but fortunately for me (and him), my Dad had a romantic encounter that catapulted me into the middle of the English Channel, forcing me to swim for my life - literally! In a race against the 200-500 million micro comrades I had been hanging out with, I had to reach the fertile shores of Normandy first in order to survive. The odds of finishing my 4-6 minute swim, reaching my destination and being awarded the prize of life for first place were stacked against me. You see, the immigration office in a certain female kingdom (otherwise known as Mum) was only open on certain days of the month. But somehow, against all odds, I made it. What is more, I survived 40 weeks of a warm and wet coexistence with this wonderful woman... In order for all of this to have taken place, my parents' own mother and father also had to have survived the nine month ordeal with their little treasures. In addition, these folk also managed to survive two World Wars and the Great Depression... These resilient men and women also had two sets of grandparents that they relied on. Somehow these ancestors of mine (on whom my life depended), managed to survive a transition into the 20th century. Despite being scattered all over the globe, these folk needed to connect and meet a specified set of criteria to ultimately create me... Given that there is, has been and will only ever be one of me created throughout all of time and history, I am very rare."
THAT is how special you are. I'd encourage you to read that passage until it sinks in and until you start to fully believe it. Your existence is not random. Store that truth in your heart because I promise you, once you know how valuable you are, then your perspective will change.
Still think you weren't really much of a person until you were born? There was Someone who knew you by name; He knew your name before your parents even named you, He knew your strengths and weaknesses, He knew what made you happy and what made you cry. He'd already placed passions, gifts, talents, and frustrations inside of you. He knew what you'd look like before you started to take shape.
But more than that, He loved you. When you were inside the womb and looked like nothing, He loved you. Psalm 139:16 says, "You eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." How overwhelming to know that God loved us before we were even born. He loved us before our parents even knew we existed.
And guess what? He still loves you. He's been walking beside you as you've grown up. He was smiling down on you as you said your very first word when no one else was around to hear it. He was sitting with His arms around you when your heart was first broken. He saw what that kid said to you at school when no one else believed it, and noticed when you just walked away. He felt that hurt too but was proud of you for taking the higher ground.
He's with you right now as you read this. He knows you so deeply; deeper than you even know yourself and He's waiting. He's a patient Father who waits for us, whenever we're ready, to come and speak to Him and He always promises to listen. Tell Him how you feel, let Him know what you're struggling with, speak openly and honestly because nothing is hidden from Him anyway. But He loves relationship and desires that from you. Receive the comfort He offers you and be bold, lovely one, and trust Him with your heart.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Isaiah 147:3
Sonderegger, R 2010, Free to Be You, Hyde Park Press, Adelaide
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